Name That Bureaucratic Hassle!
This is ass. Addo, South Africa.
I'm in the process of changing my name. I was married a month ago. My husband and I decided that it was important to us both to have a single last name for everyone in our family, and I was willing to change mine. (It won't change on this site; I'm still using my maiden name professionally and will continue to publish as Corinne Purtill.) It was not a decision made lightly: I consulted with married women I respect, all of whom have made different choices regarding their married and maiden names. Ultimately I reached a decision that felt right for me and my family. Sure, I knew there would be some bureaucratic hassles, but I thought that the hard work was over.
Then I started the process.
IT IS SUCH A PAIN IN THE ASS.
If you want a new passport, you need a new driver's license. If you want a new driver's license, you need a new Social Security card. Then you can begin the process of tracking down every insurance account, every utility, every office that has any record of your existence. All of these will require either an in-person visit or wading through an automated voicemail system, so that you can explain to a skeptical clerk that you have gotten married and that you want to change your name, And they all want a certified copy of the marriage certificate, which must be ordered by mail from the Orange County Recorder's office, for $13 (and an additional $12.95 if you order it online!) Please allow 2-4 weeks for them to press print, and put it in the mail.
I was having dinner with a male friend the other night (who is gay, and so is quite familiar with prejudice in all things marriage-related). He asked with some surprise, "But women get married all the time. Changing your name isn't an uncommon thing - how is this still so complicated?" He's right - roughly 80 percent of American women change their name after marriage. And the fact that despite these numbers it's still such a scattered, piecemeal, time-consuming affair is exactly why I am so enraged. It seems to be like yet another manifestation of a nasty theme running through society: women's time is valued less than men's. Motherhood and the domestic duties that tend to fall on women are valued less economically than work outside the home. When we do work outside the home, we don't make as much. I cannot stop thinking that if this process had been traditionally required of men, we would either have made the whole thing simpler, or have quietly phased the practice of name-changing out altogether.
I feel like I have sold out by choosing to take part in this inherently biased system. And that makes me sad, because the decision to share a name belongs to me and my family, and not to this system. Maybe that's something to remember when I'm in line at the DMV.
Update: Though I originally chose the photo above because of its ass-tastic properties, Samantha has pointed out in the comments that it's appropriate for a more elegant reason: elephants are matriarchal. They raise children as a community. And they do not require name changes when they mate for life. Thanks, Sam.
Posted on Friday, Oct 23, 2009
